Hindu-Muslim Interreligious Marriages.
Posted by: JAAN in MyBlog on Nov 04, 2010
Tagged in: Untagged
What is presented here, in this post, is based on what I read on the net in the past, about, 15 months. Of course this will not make any difference to such people (Hindu girls or Non Muslim girls) in such circumstances already; after all who has time these days to inquire about anything objectively. Or more importantly I am not questioning any body’s freedom esp.women to take decisions regarding their life. This post is like a gentle warning about Islam. So, if some fiery Hindu feminist woman comes across this post, cool your self before you comment, if you feel like; but do not expect politeness from me if you transgress.
These days, we just keep making our life decisions based on one minute digital bytes we keep hearing from media. Or influenced by Bollywood which is not very different from Muslim mafia, but nevertheless glorified by media shamelessly; then media itself has lost its value. Many journos working in media can not even distinguish western-ism from modernism. It can not even distinguish good from evil.
Right now, the emphasis and views of this national media and also enlightened opinion is such that Hindus and all Non Muslims should give up (or sacrifice) their cultural identities for larger good of country and they also should not object to special privileges to Muslims and their culture even if later tend to be fascist in nature. The yardstick being employed to measure the tolerance of societies, every where, is about tolerating anachronistic Islamic beliefs and practices and its heinous political agenda and its fascist nature; because it is solely Muslims who are having difficulty with integrating with rest of humanity. But how can they integrate with others when they believe in that they are superior to others and they should subjugate every other, as suggested by their sacred word of Allah, Koran?
Islam is a closed system; this is mentioned here many times. Muslim men can marry Non Muslim women but Muslim women can not marry Non Muslim men. It will not be easy to adjust once their beloved says Allah and his unethical Prophet and their dogma are above everything, esp. a kafir woman. At this point, it might be too late to return.
Every rule and belief in Islam is about advancing their cause (expansion) at the expanse of others and their cultures. Islamic system is a parasite on human civilization (others) whether Muslims are in minority or majority.
But out of ignorance of Islam or influenced by corrupt media and its culture of propagating immorality and liberalism, meaning absence of morals, for Hindus it is about completely distancing from their culture and civilization, some Non Muslim women believing in idealistic vision of love jump in to marriages with Muslim male potential zombies. Some women recover and some do not.
What I read is that, not easy to write, most Hindu women in this situation start thinking like this: all religions are same. One woman even said that Islam is also a religion; so she converted and was suffering (you will read this from below). One said she also studied a bit of Islam and she felt that it is like every other religion. When confronted by a guy, actually a Muslim, she said there are many translations and interpretations. When people want to find reasons to suit their ‘what they wanted to believe’ belief, they can always find them.
Well, all religions are same? Look at the ignorance. Islam does not even recognize other religions; it abrogates and is supposed to subjugate and destroy other religions. Unless some people experience directly, they will never understand.
Below are the two cases I came across from two forums; sukhdukh.com and telugupeople.com.
Case 1. (Read the full article from here. Please read the comments and follow up.)
This is my experience in my life. I wanted say to every girl who wanted to marry a Muslim man to think twice before marry. Please, if you are involved with one of these guys think twice –Don’t just jump like me. I’m not saying all other religion men are good … there are good and bad in all religions. This is about my life with a Muslim hub.
I know after reading my article, many muslims or others may argue with me saying that this is not in all families or we are very royal and broad minded bla bla bla… who cares! What ever you are to the outer world……… you are always same inside!. Or 90% of them are like this! And this is very TRUE! I don’t want to listen your lectures!
Looking back to my college days, I first met this guy, who was very charming, and full of promises (which are of course all lies). I felt that yes… he is the one for me. I almost argued and lost every thing for him. I ignored my family’s pain and troubles I was giving them. All I had in my mind was love and love. To marry him, I even threatened my parents, and lot more which cannot be put in words. Emotions played a major role and my parents kept quit since I were a major. He converted me to Islam, giving me a new name, saying it’s the important thing to get the support or affection of his family.
I did that since he promised me that it will remain only on papers and will never affect me personally. (Lie again). Then the marriage, was very simple with few friends. I along with my some friends sat in a room, with all giggles and excited when a man came in and made me say “khubool hain” 3 times, and gave me some papers to sign and that’s it, he said Mubarak .. you got married. I said oh that’s all!! This is so easy and all my friends laughed. (There are no promises and nothing) that day.. I never ever thought about what I was doing.
Before I can relize I’ve already stepped into a cluster of thorns. The first two months were sweet. And then the real life started. My in-laws, first opposed and then they accepted since my husband has converted me to Islam. I started to do everything what they say just out of love for him. I started accepting my life as it came by. I have chosen this life and I decided to prove everyone that I didn’t do a mistake and wanted to be a good and faithful wife.
I started to accept them for what they are and finding the good in them and learn to love people who have nothing in common with me. My in-laws and husband gave a lot of book regarding Islam written in English. They started teachings about women and Islam, regulating me from what kind of food I should eat and what type of attire I should wear and what kind of people I should make friends with etc.
That was my first shock. I don’t have any choice. There is no request, everything is a command. I was ordered to cover my head and use a burkah when going out. It was so akward but still I kept quit. I were not allowed to do anything of my wish, coz Islam dose not allow a women to decide. Everything was done according to man’s wish. I cannot do this, I cannot do that, I cannot go alone anywhere. It was like a closed life in a free world. If we go to out on picnics, we cannot eat at good restaurants, since they belong to kafirs.
Though the hotel is very filthy and covered with flies and dirt, still we have to eat only at certain restaurants where they think they sell halaal meat. (they think that only these hotels have a Halaal meat) no matter how dirty they cook. Due to this I avoided going out. Slowly they ordered me to avoid my entire family, since they are kafirs? (A non Muslims) Today, I realize what a shameful act I have done.
As time passed my husband has become more inclined towards religion. He forgot his promises, his words. Says that women are born to serve men. The place of women is within four walls. They are not allowed to speak up. I never saw this side of him earlier. Men are allowed to do anything but not to be questioned. Some women never know where their men go and what they do outside.
Slowly he became jealous person and reads into any and all association with other men as suspicious. He is unable to understand that I gave up more for him and I would never cheat on him. I am now seeing that there are too many differences to overcome and allow for a peaceful existence. They are always commenting on others. Specially the festivals and attires of other cultures. He is cruel, demanding everything and abusive. It only brought me tears and sorrow. There is no respect for women.
Islam allows man to beat his wife. He can demand anything and she has to obey no matter in what conditions she is. Man can marry of his choice but women cannot. There are too many restrictions. I am now in a constant fear. I am scared to speak up. I know what he is capable of when he gets furious. I would only have courage to tell him all that if I was far enough from him and he could not physically reach me. I am terrified about the future.
He will put all sort of pressures on my kids to do things I do not approve of, I fear that he might take them away; He might hurt me or do some serious harm to me if I don’t agree with him. I want my kids to experience many good things in life, achieve as much as they possibly can and become confident, tolerant and considerate adults. I don’t think this will be possible. He demands that he is the one who decides about everything to do with them, but also demands that I confirm everything he says to them and never contradict him.
At some point all the family members are very radical. They are always commenting on other religions, though it makes me very outrageous I have no way except to keep quit. The only thing taught to kids from childhood is that this is the truest, purest and peace loving religion.. And at the same time justifying terrorism and jihad (killing of non Muslims). This religion which claims to be the truest of all, recites an Arabic Prayer (on hearing the death news of their religion member) called “Inna Lillahi Oa Inna Ilahi Rajeon” which means “Allah unhain jannat naseeb karay” and then they recite another Arabic prayer (upon hearing a death news of a Hindu) called Fee nari jahannama khalidin” Which means wishing him the eternal HELL!….. It continues.
Case 2. (This is more heart breaking and read from here for follow up.)
Hi im Hindu Brahmin Girl, before 3 years i got married with a Muslim guy..before marriage he told me convert into his religion..On that time i too got agreed and converted..but from the day one of our marriage life we are in troble because of religion, culture, and day today habits. His parents will smoke in home itself and all his brothers and sisters are uneducated..He is the only one who is earning..Already we got divorsed once but again we got re-married but now also we are having the same problem.i cant accept his religion and culture.But now we are having a girl kid.After having a kid also no problem is geting solved..Im finding there is no peace in my life..My family is totally against me..but my mom alone is talking to me..she is ready to take me back but she is putting one condition that i should get married with a Hindu guy..
what i should do in this case..I love him a lot but he only gives more importance to his family only to my kid also he is not ready to do anything because of financial problem..his dad is bed return and his mom is not healthy one of his sister is married but staying with parents and another sister is unmarried, my husband is having 2 brothers and my husband isthe eldest one among everbody..One brother got married and having a kid but he is with out job..another one is studying in college..no earning person in home except my husband..that too his salary is not sufficient to run the whole family..
in this case my mom is advising to come out from him as it is unsecured for my kid and myself in amy matter..my mom is indicating me that i will become alone in future..
so please kindly tell which will be the correct decision for me.
Her reply to some suggestions from members of that site is as follows:
Thanks for responding..IM not having problem jus because my husband parents are sick the problem is i cant accept the culture what they are following…i cant forget my culture and involve in their culture..and for each and everything even in keeping name for my daughter we had a fight..From living style till food we are having problem..we very well know we are not having mutual understanding with each other jus we both are loving each other we are together but our thoughts differs a lot..
I don ve any support from my family and their parents want me to study quran and namas which is not possible for me..they are saying me to wear bhurkha and my husband also wants these things from me..Even he is not calling my name also they ve kept a name for me as sherin and they are calling in that even my husband too..this makes me so much feel on my life and its very hard to accept for me..
Knowing all this my mom is calling me back..im totaly in dilamo wat to do
Read the follow up or suggestions from the given link; some are really stupid. I strongly feel that their thinking can only be a product of education glorifying slavery and multiculturalism; some suggestions are really hostile to the sufferer. I came across few more on net and they are below:
1. hi all,i was a hindu girl who got married to amuslim guy 2 years ago.i dont suggest inter -relegious marriage to the people ,especially when one of the partner keeps a condition of conversion.when my boy friend first asked me to convert,i said i will not,and we broke up.But i could not forget him and came to a conclusion that i will convert after all all relegions are the same when it comes to the relationship with god.but i was wrong.it was painful going through it starting from changing my name to not wearing bindi.i lost my identity.i was feeling a loss. Then my husband started expecting me to do prayers.and frequently threating to divorce if i fail to accept islam.
so please dont think that things will get better after marriage if you convert.things will get worse.you are going to hurt your parents. I have hurt my parents in lot ways,by abandoning the name they gave me.by abandoning the relegion they gave me.
iam really sad.i dont know what is in store for me in the future but i dont encourage hindu/muslim girls to the partners of opposite relegion if they have to give up their identity. (Some people can never learn or try to be still politically correct and diplomatic even after suffering.)
2.(This one is a reply to above comment) Sorry to sound harsh, but I was in the same situation a few years ago. I’m a Hindu woman who got married to a Muslim man and regardless of the success stories on here (three wrote about their success in the entire forum)(clearly, these are people who have worked extremely hard for their marriages to work and have been fortunate enough to have supportive partners), it does not always work. As with any relationship, there needs to be a lot of compromise and give and take. Unfortunately for me, I learnt that the hard way. He was unwilling to accompany me to Diwali celebrations, temple and even my sister�s wedding and other relatives because it was not �how Muslims do it�, yet I was expected to cover my hair and act like a proper Muslim girl and accompany him and his family to all his activities. But I was not a proper Muslim as I was brought up as a Hindu, this is the only faith I know and love and respect and it got to a point where I was constantly giving in and was not getting anything in return. It was all one sided so no wonder it ended in divorce!
I’m in such a happy place right now, I am now married to someone of my own religion-which is what it should have always have been and now have gorgeous twins
You need to ask yourself the question, if I convert to Islam because my bf’s insistence would I truly be happy? Will he do the same for me?
Marriage is not a joke, it should be taken seriously. (I am sure that she was unable to tie the ends, though she is lucky to have finished well. This kind of marriage only works if they are willing to submit too, not just Allah and but also her loving husband.)
3. Hi (name deleted), I wouldn’t say i’m that religious but he is to a certain extent. At 1st he said he wouldn’t want to change me but after speaking to some of his family members about me, he now tells me that i’d have to convert for our marriage to be accepted in Islam as i’m not a religion of the book. …… Thanks for the response. Don’t get me wrong, I realise all you say and i’m a very independent confident asian woman and I would want an equall relationship. My head tells me I should walk away but I just can’t control my heart. There’s no question of him converting and besides, he is religious and i’m not particularly so I wouldn’t ask him to convert to something I know little about. I am proud to be Indian though & don’t want to loose my identity so suppose I need to find the strength to walk away…. there seems to be no compromise in this.(Very proud to announce that she is not very religious, but her man is religious i.e. religious Muslim. The question here is if he so religious why the hell fall in love with a kafir that too a polytheist. This is what usually happens; they will say no need of conversion then say for the sake of family. Others can not always be blamed for one’s suffering, they have to blame their stupidity too.)
Again, thanks for your response. The problem I have is that he says he wouldn’t want to change me and does respect me fror who I am it’s just our marriage wouldn’t be accepted in Islam if I didn’t convert – and that’s important to him. We’ve both tried to walk away and he knows he’s asking a lot but we keep ending up back in each others lives. I’m usually so strong minded but that’s what worries me…. I can’t seem to just use my head here…. (Yeah, same confusion about being Jodhaa; after all we know so much about them, right. I will say damn these people. Nothing is known about what happened later to the women who wrote above comment, but considering how intelligent they are, we need not to guess.)
4. (skip this if you feel like. she says success, but has to convert then does not want to think about what she sacrificed because it might affect her relation, I just wonder. about these free woman) wow… for those of you who are struggling to work things out, may God guide you to make the right choice for yourself.
i thought i’d share my own story here, it may help some of you. i come from a middle class hindu family; my parents are neither liberal nor conservative. i was raised in the US, where i had friends of all races and religions; my parents did not discriminate, and they raised me the same way.
my mother is pretty religious, and she taught me the Hindu religion; but from childhood, i was very curious about religion and God. before i was 13, i had already memorized many shlokas with meanings, and read the Bible as well. i would bring books on the Vedas from the library, just searching for answers, and one day i opened up the Quran as well. to be honest, i didn’t find the answer i was looking for, that one particular religion was the right one; but I just found myself gravitating towards the idea that all religions essentially preach about one Truth, one God. i became comfortable with that concept, and rather than get caught up in ritual of worship, I began to engage in just worship alone.
then i graduated from university and started work. My coworker was a pakistani muslim guy. our relationship progressed from initial mistrust, to grudging respect to tentative friendship to becoming inseparable partners at work and outside, until we realized one day that we were in love. he talked to me one day, telling me frankly that he liked me a lot and would like to marry me. he told me upfront that he realized this was an unusual situation, and he told me what he could compromise on and what he could not compromise on. i knew that he himself was not uber-religious, but he said that for us to get married, his parents would want me to convert. he told me that he would do whatever else it took to convince my parents. i thought about it, and i realized that this guy had all the qualities i had ever wanted in a husband. the conversion part troubled me a bit, but not too much as i already knew quite a bit about Islam, and I realized that i essentially had a monotheistic concept of God, and i wouldn’t be conflicted too much on this point. i said yes to him the next day, detailing a few conditions: that he would not require me to wear a veil, that he would agree to give neutral names to children (though they would be brought up Muslim) and that he would treat my parents with the same respect that I would give his.
from that point, we began to plan our strategy. he brought his sister to work and introduced me as his coworker and friend. she and i became good friends, and she invited me often to their home. so i got to know his family and extended family. he never told them that we were in a relationship, but he always spoke of me in a positive light. soon, everyone was telling him to propose to me, urging him to do so before he lost me to someone else! this is exactly what he wanted… if he had talked to his family directly about me, they could possibly have opposed him; but this way he ensured that not only did his family embrace his choice, but that i would be welcomed wholeheartedly and with respect into his family.
my parents were harder to convince. they kept saying things like, why should you have to convert, why can’t he? i reminded my mother that even though her kul-devta, customs, language, traditions, etc. were different from my father’s, after marriage, she did everything according to my father’s family traditions, even changed her name. i tried explaining to them logically, telling them that his family was not conservative, they were just like my parents, except muslim. but my folks would not budge.
8 years had passed and we had to take a stance. my parents had met him and liked him but objected on his religion and nationality. they threatened to disown me and never speak to me if i married him. finally as i was getting to be an old maid, they said that they wouldn’t give their blessings, but the only way out was for me to either break up with him or present them with a fait-accompli.
i got my answer. so we got married last year in a small nikah ceremony with only his family members and some of my friends present. after the marriage, i called my parents and told them the news. my father just said – we hate the sin, not the sinner. you will always be our daughter and we love you.
it has been almost a year to the wedding. i talk to my parents regularly. some days are tough, but for the most part, they speak to me normally. they were worried about what our relatives would say about my marriage, so they didn’t tell anyone til about 2 months ago. surprisingly, everyone took the news well, or atleast no one said anything mean to my parents. i guess many people figured out that since i was refusing to get married, there was some reason behind it. some of my nicer cousins sent congratulatory emails to me, and happily i am rebuilding my relationships with my family members. there are some people who are immature or just plain mean, but i have learnt to ignore them. after all, i have got what i wanted… i know i have to be patient and things will work out.
dating is certainly different from marriage, which comes with a lot of responsibility and requires maturity, patience and a cool head, especially in this situation. my inlaws are mostly nice and non-interfering types, but i’m still the new daughter-in-law and i know there are some people who compare me unfavourably and who watch my every move with a critical eye. my policy is to kill em with love.
in terms of adjustment, honestly i am the one who has done a great deal of adjustment. whether it’s language, food, culture, religion, whatever. but i know that if i weigh these things on a scale, i will become resentful and unhappy. (this is what I was talking about; look at how she is advising even others; may be typical Indian slave mentality or may be some people settle for little.) at the same time, my husband is very supportive of me, (you can still divorce him and remarry some other. But after some years, you may not have that luxury while he has; he just has to go to Pakistan and pick a young girl. so do not take it for granted. ) and agrees to most of my demands. for example, i converted but refused to change my name officially – and he convinced his father on that point. he acknowledges the sacrifices i have made in our relationship and he makes it up to me in other ways. in a few months, we will have our wedding reception, and my family plans to attend this time (of course they do. they are nice parents. for them their daughter counts always; much unlike Islam telling parents to kill such children.)
a couple of things i will say to the guys and girls who are contemplating a hindu-muslim marriage: lay the ground rules based on mutual respect (learn about mutual respect from her; she is an excellent example.) from the start and do not break or change them. secondly, never ever convert just to get married, only convert if you truly believe in the religion you are converting into. (She believes in Islam, now what? she has to hate every one? In due time she will be hating even her parents and calls them inferior and kafirs. Highly probable. Otherwise she is not a Muslim.)
i know it was a long read…but i hope it will be useful to some of you. wish you all the best with your relationships! (she says she has read Koran, I bet she has not. Or she must be having a non functioning dead brain.)
5. (This is a must read.)hi all,i have gone through most of the posts all i observe is most of the hindu girls here are just like me who have converted to islam to make their relationships work.
however for me the actual problems started after my conversion as i deeply studied islam to get better knowledge.Also my husband was very keen on me gaining more knowledge and faith. He always ridiculed hinduism infront of me but i never said anything coz i dont have sound knowledge of hinduism myself.
but however i was raised with good moral values.coming back to my story after conversion as i read more and more about islam i was disgusted coz i see a lot of voilence,sex and immorality especially in hadees including sahih hadees.so i stopped following them as relegious scriptures.this caused a lot of rift in our relationship as my husband believes that to be a muslim one has to follow both Quran and sahih hadees.
He threatened to divorce me a lot of times if i will not become a proper muslim.This husband of mine is the same guy who lied to me twice before marriage that i dont need to convert and he will accept me as what i am.My mistake was to trust his words.by the time i got so much deep in to the relationship he said i have to convert as the marriage will not be legal if not done according to islam. I decided to do research on islam before marraige as at that point i was so desperate to get married to him despite his lies.
My reason for forgiving him was even though he lied it was to win me back.i started my research on islam with Quran.Even though i never understood the concept od slaves and wars on unbelieversi liked the idea of one god.so i thought ok this is not bad and i said i will convert.
now again back to the story,my husband started forcing me to do prayers on time.if i miss any prayer he said a polythiest is alwyas a polythiest thats the reason why its told in quran to not to marry idolworshippers.
i got so frustrated that i decided to get separated from him.then he mellows down and for sometime he will not force me on anything.then after few days same story repeats.
Now as i stick to quran, i found out that even a lot of stuff in that is so biased and very unconvincing.so actually now i hate islam.
If i take relegion out of our lives i know that my husband and me will have very minimal problems,but this god of islam has made our lives hell with his absurd rules. (she grasped certain aspects of Islam but not every thing; this guy willfully lied and she expects him to become an apostate; it is more probable that he will be a Islamic martyr.)
every now and then just becoz of relegion my husband says this relationship wont work.i dontknow.i suggest hindu girls to check in detail the relegious teachings of your partner.if he is a secular type (Muslim being a secular?; one can ask a devil to be a god, it is a much better bargain.) and doesn’t ask you to covnert then go for it.but if they are asking you to convert then there begins your submission,and it goes on do the prayers on time,change yourname,be islamic in your behavious and so on..it will never end. so dont marry fantatic muslisms or for that matter fanatic hindus. (she reads koran and Islam and thinks that there is a fanatical version of Hinduism like Islam. I am getting tired of this and questioning myself about do these girls have brain?, like some one wrote in that forum. Once in a blog, owned by a modern Indian, Hindu woman, she has put up a post “what women want?”. Casually I commented that God knows, which I regretted immediately, and I wrote that every one seeks some respect and more importantly understanding. and she deleted my comment and advised me never to comment again on her blog.)
Well, I could add four or five more to this list; but they are all same. But as I already said in the beginning of this article, they are free to take their decisions and we should respect their right; they are responsible for their own destiny By making and supporting like a cage like control on women is inhuman and akin to going back to feudal age. And finally, I leave an article from faithfreedom.org which was put for western women; but it also goes for every other Non Muslim women; not a great one, then it is just a crash course. Then, knowing truth can not be a one minute sound byte.
It is here. I will try to sum it up in a comment, later.
P.S. Some times even guys get caught. Read a tragic case from here
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